Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Post 009

Most people these days don't necessary see this, mainly because of a few reasons.  First off, you have parents who are better than that, and secondly, and this is the more likely reason, you don't have Asian parents. 

In Asia, parents are one of the leading causes of student suicide.  Most Asian students really don't go through the best of times when it comes to parental treatment.  Before I continue on, I'd just like to say, that Asian parents are not bad parents, it's just that their methods are not the same as that of other parents, and its often puzzling when you look at the things they do, and why they do it.

First off, spend some time listening to an Asian person talking to their parents over the phone to their parents.  Of all the phone conversations I've heard, there's a vast majority of them that involve the students saying into the phone : "I know, I know".  This is a result of the parents nagging them about something they should do.  Another thing that should be noted is the lack of the : "Love you mum/dad, bye".  Personally, telling someone you love them, versus showing them is really two different things, not even worth comparing, but sometimes, hearing it is really that much more meaningful.  It's like saying thank you to the waiter/waitress.  It is a very meaningless thing because they're just doing their job by serving you, but it can easily be all that it takes to make someone's day.

Secondly, this should be a well-documented condition amongst most Asian students.  This is the Middle Child Syndrome.  A middle child is often characterized as the "odd one out".  In most families, the eldest is often the pride of the family, always having to lead the family thus often the one that parents would be proud of.  The youngest is often the joy of the family, because everyone's paying more attention to them, thus they are generally given a lot, in many respects, and most people are happiest to see them.  The middle child is often the one who misses out on all of this.  Overshadowed by the older sibling, and out-loved by the younger sibling.  Parents tend to tell this child : why they aren't more like the older sibling, and other times, look what the younger sibling managed to achieve today, and how they weren't able to do that when they were the same age as the younger sibling.  This is not an absolute measure in any way shape or form, but the vast majority of them, are in that position.

Now, how do I reach the conclusion of this Middle Child Syndrome?  It's simple really: most Asian parents, from childhood will actually compare kids.  They compare their own children against other kids, in the same way that big burly old men compare their race horses against one another.  Many aspects are compared, and it's not really done amongst friends; no, it's done with their own child. 
Sample dialog involve the following :
"Jim, your aunt Jane's son just won the Governor's award!".  or perhaps
"Jim, your uncle John's daughter just came first in the piano competition, something you couldn't do even when you were her age."
I believe it gets exponentially worse when the comparisons are done with someone who's a complete stranger.
"Jim, take a look at this boy on TV.  Look at how amazing and brilliant he is.  Wow, you should learn from him.  You hear that?  He studies even during the summer vacation."

To start, there really is nothing wrong with any of the statements made above.  However, through the eyes of a child, hearing words of praise from their won parent given to someone who isn't themselves, is hard to stomach.  It's almost as if the parents seem to find something to be proud and happy about another child, be it older or younger.  It almost seems as if there's an extra sibling there, creating a shadow that one will eventually be cast in.  If that be the case, I might as well just call all those random people my parents compare me to my brothers and sisters.  Cause I'm serious, I don't see the difference.

So, let's make life easier, cause half the people my parents praise in front of me are people I want to have little or no association with, so I say we do the following.  For everything else your parents tells you, maintain a TCP connection with them.  Once they compare you to other people, whether it be words to get you working, or just in passing, switch to UDP.  Personally, I've found that to be more enjoyable, and less of a pain. 

Note : when I say Asian, I literally mean every nationality in the continent of Asia.  This means that Middle Easterners and Indians are counted too.  The Middle East and India is as much a part of Asia as China is.

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